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Thursday, December 8, 2016

Ghost Faina Ranevskaya began to call known actors


Faina Georgievna Ranevskaya Saturday marks 120 years. Well, of course, will break out — Oh, great, solid aspiration, the actress of the century, “Mulia not nervous about me” and so on.

And we decided to throw the joke exactly in the spirit of the now — rowdy ladies who, as they say, the Nutcracker. In General, we decided to make a “call light: gaining Faina Ranevskaya in theatres, museums, restaurants… Someone fell for the joke and somebody, apparently, is the name from the first time we heard it. Well, too bad reporters “MK” enlightened.

Photo: Anastasia Kormilitsina

Called, naturally, not themselves. Invited excellent professional, a crowd favorite, which is not given to photograph them even from the back — have learned b. His name was not called, people are nervous, why would a man spoil his career. He does ahead of him, so much so that it becomes uncomfortable. And before him the list of phones include a speakerphone and went.


Margarita Lvovna from the movie “Spring” (1947).

* * *


Theatre Museum Bakhrushina, assistant Director Dmitry Rodionov.

I’m listening to you.

— My dear, I can hear who I’m talking to? — Opening line of “I”.

— You speak with the assistant Director General. Could you introduce yourself?

— Faina. Darling, I have some things… you might be interested. You know, all sorts. The collar remained of the Boy from my dogs. Good dog. Maybe you need something? The bone that he was chewing…

Wait. Where are you calling anyway?

— In the Museum Bakhrushina.

— So. And what are the things you want to convey?

Collar. From The Boy. Well, there’s always theatrical costumes that they disappear?

— Ah… you’re an actress?

— Yes, darling. I’m an actress. Honey, did I introduce myself? Faina I’m referring to.

Oh, OK. Clear. You know, we have all your already have.

— How? And the collar from the Boy with the bone?

Collar we don’t really need, thank you very much!

* * *


Elizabeth, the assistant Minister Vladimir Medinsky.

— Ale?

— Liza, my dear, I don’t know who to ask… the fact that I’m thirty-second year do not pay a pension. Call in all instances. I — Theater actress. The Moscow city Council.

— So. Give me your cell, I’ll ask that in the Department you started.

— My dear, I have, unfortunately, no mobile phone.

“Is this your city?

— I was going by, gave me a call. Maybe you could bring it to your attention? I don’t know what to do for 32 years a pension not paid anything as there is me… I am 60 years worked in the Moscow Soviet.

— How old are you?

Oh, I do not remember, blue mine. How much to me? 1896-first I…

What?

— Forgive me, I never introduced myself! Faina. Ranevskaya.

— Okay, thank you.

* * *


Actress Tatyana Vasilyeva, who once played Ranevskaya in the film “Star era.”

— Hello, Tanya! I am glad I came! I watched the TV series “Star era” you played Ranevskaya.

— Yes, who is it?

Is Faina. You played wonderful, I have one request, my sun. I was never so hard in my life… not to shout. I humbly ask if you will continue to pursue me to play — I beg you, do not cry, okay?

— Well, thank you, I will not.

* * *


Actress Nonna Grishaeva.

— Ale? Yes?

— Nonochka, sorry to disturb you. I’m an actress, worked for many years in the theater, a lot of know how to do. But as fate has it, I’m on the don, and the flowers are stale…

I just now at the stage of standing (whispers). I have shot, I can’t say.

— My soul is a fecca. Faina. Ranevskaya.

— Excuse me, I’m just in the frame, can’t speak. I’ll get back to you immediately, once out of frame, okay?

— I will be looking forward to it!

* * *


Alexander Shirvindt, artistic Director of theater of Satire.

— Al-Le?

— Alexander, my dear, I have a question of vital importance. I’m an actress. Many years work for you around the corner… in the city Council. But, unfortunately, absolutely no work. My dear, if you will not help — nobody will help.

— So.

— Maybe there is something for me? Humiliating situation, but if not for the extreme situation, I swear I wouldn’t have called.

— I understand, but in what way can I help?

— I starred in many movies. Cartoons sounded, you know this is my — “Bok, Bok! I’m Bok!”, remember?

We are now on holiday, opened the eighth day… Now the situation is such that we do not take any of the agreement, any single. Cruel situation.

— Yes, I was told, is now something very terrible is happening…

— Yes, we are not allowed even to breathe, you know? A story that only if someone has something really necessary to play, then go to beg… the buzz of the Soviet long over.

“Oh, yeah, my soul… if only you knew what eyes at me now watching the Boy.

— Boy? Who is this?

“It’s my dog.

— You know, I also have two…

— Well, for me after the 8th call?

Wow, to meet you, I’m on the phone I can not understand what was happening.

Okay. To leave the coordinates?

Coordinates is not necessary. And the name — tell.

— Faina Ranevskaya.

— Well, just with a name — then call us!

— See you, honey.

* * *


The Moscow cats theatre, the management.

— The sun is theatre cats? I have a humble request. I’m an actress, working for many years in various theatres, but is now forced to travel far away. I have a good dog. Where to attach it, huh?

— In shelter only. We will not take.

— The dog is wonderful, she knows all of Moscow, it is almost a circus, not least because of me. Let’s tell them it’s my dog, I can still remember. Faina Ranevskaya me.

How old are you?

— Well, I’m a woman, trying to adhere to some conventions… but that’s not the point. Help me!

— Not just a Mut dog. No. Even the dog Ranevskaya. Give in good hands.

* * *


Actress Larisa Udovichenko.

— Ale?

— Laris, is that you? My soul, so glad that got through. This actress. Look, I’m not supposed to call, but the fact is that on some of them the main channel began to make a withdraw and they told me that the Central role will invite you. Arizonica, I want it so bad! We are so similar! They are looking for some options, and I said, “don’t! Let them play only Larissa! I know I’ve seen her work.” Larisochka, if you are free, they start staging like in October… are you free?

— I’m in Vienna now. And I can’t answer. I have my agent, who is engaged in my employment, negotiating…

— Now not about it. You tell me the main thing: if you will call — do you agree? Yes or no?

— How can I say? Need to know the script, who takes…

“I don’t know the details, but a film about me.

And who are you?

— I — Faina, Larisochka, Faina.

— Faina — what?

— The same, she said. Ranevskaya.

— Oh, okay (laughs). Eugene, is that you? (What Zhenya remained unclear.)

— Larissa, well, what’s the difference? I have only one minute remains: Yes or no?

— Let me take you to the room agent will send…

— I will not make it to the agent. Please! It is important that you played!

— Faina? Ranevskaya? You know I am totally not well, and not Maria.

— Larissa, I know better who you are. You — Faina Ranevskaya.

— A strange conversation between us is impossible. I think the agent knows better…

* * *


Reception of Deputy Minister of education Natalia Tretiak.

Reception Tretiak, good evening.

“Honey, I’m an actress and I Natalia made an appointment for one second, let me see — the day after tomorrow. Babycakes, check yourself — I’m terribly sick and can’t be, so just do not lost time, and tea, and fruit…

— Are you sure that you are given an appointment for day after tomorrow? Ah… meant for Friday?

Yes, Yes, absolutely. You have recorded?

— But she’s on a business trip. And when she tell you to meet them?

— Not sure, maybe come to the theater… maybe it is, maybe someone else.

— Introduce yourself, please.

I Think.

— Sorry my boy, but on Friday she was on a business trip in St. Petersburg… On further connection with her talk with her personal assistants. Maybe I don’t know something.

— And you, mark and she, too, say, Faina Ranevskaya.

“So you are? This is a casual resemblance to the great actress?

— Darling, how could I know? There are no coincidences. Many laugh, I know. Go forever, passport all show — here, look…

In General, the phone I gave you, I have nothing to add, call assistants. That’s all I know.

* * *


The most famous Moscow restaurant reservations.

— Reservation service offers. Anastasia.

— Nastya, I want to reserve a table for four on Saturday, at eleven in the evening. I have a birthday. And we just all after the show…

Very nice. 23.00. There are four of you?

— Yes, write down the table for any name — SIMA Berman, Vera Maretskaya, Market Green. Will all.

— And you, sorry?

— Faina Ranevskaya, people’s artist of the USSR. Winner of three Stalin prizes.

— Well, my boy, very nice to hear from you, a table is waiting for you, supposed to light the candles?..

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