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Friday, October 28, 2016

“Hares” takedowns ordered by Moscow theatres without tickets

The idea is as old as the world, virtuoso gilyarovskiy: is it possible with the current all the frames, guards and other things to penetrate to the theater without buying a ticket? We decided to check it out on the example Mtusa, Theater. City Council, “Practice”, Malaya Bronnaya — everything open in August. Outset: the experiment was clean, without doping — we didn’t call litcast, didn’t get amkadni identity did not include arrogance like “we are critics” and so on… Just a couple from the street, charming adventurers. In the first two theaters in our luxurious scheme for kontramarka worked like clockwork, the third calls went…

Our trophies out of the five theatres (each for two persons). Photo: Danil Safronov.

“I give you the pads, and then change”

The first victim of the Moscow theatre of young spectator, in the alleys at the entrance hanging out with “young” — 50+… Time — 18.40, even the first call is not allowed.

Here even today?

— Wow, the premiere. Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf?”…

Look — no Windows admin, but the left door is a lady with a tantalizing list, apparently invited… Considering the poster: “the role of George, honoured artist Igor Gordin”. Oh, a direct hit! He’s the lead, the pride Ginkas and Yanovskaya, is now a Bang, almost star the number one in Moscow. Only tickets for it in other theatres (of Nations or Fomenko) bite, and mtyuz still available, here, and here all knocked.

Come to the lady with the list:

— We have Igor Gordin two places left: for us to contact you or the administrator? politely inquire.

You come to me. And on whose name?

— Gorbin. I mean… Gordin. Igor.

— No, in whose name? Your how?

— He kept for himself. Said to myself… what, no?

Suitable chief administrator, a stylish and severe woman.

— So, what’s the problem? Gordin? I have not in the list, he had not been warned…

— No? — get a cell phone. Now I TEXT him write (despite the fact that with him I never sign and the phone don’t know him. — Ed.). Promised the same.

— No need to wait here, ” the manageress behind the curtain.

We look at each other: well, not in the dressing room to Gordin, she went 15 minutes before the performance. Returns:

— Igor me nothing warned again shakes his head reproachfully, handing us a voucher with a handwritten “pads”, — so long, and then change, surely someone will not come.

— Yeah, thank you! But you can smoke on the street?

…We are in a moment disappear and rush to the next theater (luckily it’s nearby). Here we received the. In five minutes.

“Call Sasha, he forgot about us?”

The scheme worked — to solve to use it and in the Mossovet Theatre. Run through the garden “Aquarium”, is almost five to seven. One thing — today the iconic rock Opera “Jesus Christ superstar”. And there in the queue (as expected in musicals) plays a lot of people, go figure. For example, Jesus is and Valery Anokhin, and Eugene waltz… who to ask? Mowing eyes to the window of the administrator who is sitting there a young guy that we know, the queues are not there. But first pop into the office:

— Tell me, who today plays Judas? — ask. The fact that Judas Iscariot is, as you know, the main character from Andrew Lloyd Webber…

— Alexander Emelyanov.

Urgently Google Emelyanov: a young boy, in 2011 he graduated from the VGIK. So, no middle name. So, just Sasha. Armed Emelianov, feel free to go to the administrator.

— So, Sasha Emelyanov us there are two seats… Two. Emelyanov.

The administrator looks in focus, it is not shahmiri, scans:

In whose name?

— Sergeev.

Digging-digging, finds nothing. And then.

Ñ? — asks again.

— No? And Emelyanov plays at all today? We just came to him, we only on it. If Sasha doesn’t play — we will not go. He used to call me, say I play him… We’re in the Dorm…

The administrator suddenly looks in the phone list and a familiar gesture puts the phone to his ear. Waiting. Still gaining. And again. Believe he called Yemelyanov.

— And you can’t call him? — the required.

But a minute before the play is made-up by the passionate part with a microphone at the mouth, luckily for us, of course not suitable to any phone.

The guy gave up and gave us two of the Director’s chair. We climbed on the amphitheater.

— So, young people, what we stand for doubt? — cheerfully calling to us is the female coat attendant come, apparently, with little Arnaut. — Do you have chairs? Sit down! After the third ring are not.

And we are right behind the Central door of the hall. And suddenly from behind the curtain appears the baton of the policeman… Here it is, payback. However, all went on the idea of Paul Chomsky, it is the members of the Sanhedrin led by the high priest Caiaphas appears in the hall dressed in a police uniform, closely inspecting every…

And, of course, we have not regretted that came to brilliant games of Alexander Yemelyanov, in his doubting, and suffering Judas, revealing the human in man, and therefore free, and I want to believe that he will forgive us in this passage with the tickets.

“The tenth number, as you ordered

…The next day going past the “New Opera”, here give “Giselle” from the Theatre of classical ballet led Kasatkina and Vasilyov (abandon all hope ye who enter here trying to Park). Understand that in the requests should start from the musician, conductor. But you can never call himself superior. Because the administrator at the mention of the boss is getting nervous, “what if they should be in a box”, “what if best-of, catches meticulously evoked, exactly who had booked the place, to whom and why, and work the seams.

We watched: in theater, among other colorful conductor of the first specialty violinist, and the second accordionist) Yuri Medianik. In this day he should stand at the console. So, in the theatre it is not, but maybe not in the country.

Boldly go to the opening, the invitation is there, and not the administrator. At the table with the coveted pass two charming women with beautiful hair.

— We Medyanik left two places…

— Who?

— Medyanik.

— What’s his name?

— Yuri. We have been told. We graduate students of the Conservatory… the Dean…

They whispered, finally one of them someone’s calling:

— Here came two, say, our conductor, Medyanik, they are two places left… Yes… Good. Clear.

We get stuck:

Let’s call the Medyanik…

You now don’t. One of the ladies use long displays handwriting on a piece of paper “Giselle”, and then puts a stamp and a second look at his work. — Do I understand correctly that you are on the tenth row? First and second place. As you ordered.

Oh yeah, great series, thank you!

Take a pass, slightly discouraged by the fact that we are, it appears, all have been ordered.

photo: Evgeny Semenov
The administrator of the New Opera looks behind Medyanik us the invitation.

“For Allen? Yes we’ve been expecting you!”

In this Chapter we combine two of the theatre “Practice” and Ramtha. Because in each we have spent exactly one minute, our photographer even noted the time.

Through a cozy courtyard, where the rest came to see the play “Agatha returns home”, go to the only door, “the Practice”; here the cute girl behind the counter.

— Alyona Kotova (the performer of the title role in “Agatha”. — Ed.) us two left.

— Well of course! We were waiting for you! — The girl smiles broadly, from which we finally precipitate immediately separates brown box. — While you wait here in the courtyard, and as I call, sit on the empty seats. Choose what’s right for you.

…We are sorry that we failed to see this one-man show about the eight-year-old girl, Agatha, living with her parents is literally in the forest. Agatha, making a hundred steps to more meets his imp, we — your, going beyond the collection of the pass.

Traffic Ramco to arrive at 19.07. But that comes? On the theatre’s website has no information. Urgent consult by phone with our ballet critic. It turns out that when the cat is out of the house, mice will flock to the place: as soon as the Grand theatre closes the season, and attracts foreign tourists, they need somewhere to go, so literally opposite the Bolshoi theater, on the Playground, Youth theatre, open Summer ballet seasons, and today “Smirnov ballet” gives “Swan”.

The lobby is empty, the window of the administrator’s locked. The play’s begun. We don’t give up, knock on the window. Driving around in circles in the lobby. There is a young man. Surprised, he opens stavenko. We are breathing hard, nervously glancing at the clock.

— We… two places… at the name Medyanik… we…

But the guy did not even ask anything and find out who, where, whose surname; the second gave us a pass with the places, noting that in fact, the ballet ten minutes as is.

photo: Evgeny Semenov
Go to hanrapetitiun to the Theater on Malaya Bronnaya.

■ ■ ■

…Was the last theater on Malaya Bronnaya. At eight in the evening there is a dress rehearsal for tomorrow’s premiere — “Talk after the funeral”. The passage only, by invitation. We are sad. Holding the five no-shows — and not just anywhere, but on the best ballets, iconic performances, and… on the sixth theatre to be solved purposely slept.

Entrance through the courtyard, in front of four beautiful maidens. We still thought: God, why so many of them.

photo: Evgeny Semenov
The entrance to the theatre Practice.

And they all cheerfully lined look to your little list.

— What name? — Ready to look…

— Medina. Quietly and with arrogant dignity we speak.

Their eyes are rounded.

— Yes, Medina. That’s the name, — repeat.

— Do you sent the invitation?

— Yes, from the administration.

They don’t know what to say. And, surprisingly, gently himself is credited with is the “Medina”. Tickets are not given, since hanrapetitiun them and can not be, but the nod to the ladder up:

— Please, come into the room.

PS Repeat after us not suggest, still not work.

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