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Saturday, March 10, 2018

Fun over the edge

Do you not understand? This is especially. Specially made. Awry. On the contrary. Contrary to common sense. So it was not boring to live. So fun gushing over the edge and recklessly.

photo: Alex geldings


I started writing the story. Fun, of course, properties. If you look at the sides (and yourself) without humor, you can go crazy. Or come bile and gnashing of teeth. What with many fellow happens: uncreative people show shifts of the psyche in everyday life, and creative — in their creations.

In order not to spendit, I surrender to the creative process. His opus began cheerfully: “I had the shirt. Very nice, comfortable, it was comfortable — fitting shoulders, squeezed his neck, was holding his abdomen. I wore it in the tail and mane, she had been worn down, worn out in the center of the cuffs and collar. Store like could not find, so asked for a factory: I am delighted with the quality of your products, I want to get her a modern example.

The answer came quickly: “Thank you for high evaluation of our work, we develop a new model, send money, and we are the product”.

I pulled this improved model: the stomach does not converge, the gate — on the chest, the sleeves are too long and hang out…


Felt: the story of the shirt is not very funny. Looks like a denunciation. Say, bad work! And I’m not a complainer. I’m funny. That is, in the mirror and see themselves in this shirt — the stomachs ruptured. Or rather, the tears break through. And on paper too — not funny. I realized that the story is not cheerful, if not to spice. Funny bone. Hohmochku.

Attributed, remembering: “From the subway to my home went the trolley — a convenient route. And here declared: in order to improve the quality of the service, the bus routes changed. Now I go home by bus with two changes and krugalya, spend the extra twenty minutes. Why this improvement was invented?”.

Makaraba it, I was satisfied. Really, gibberish out. And in life. And in the story. Well, that recorded such an absurd, ridiculous incident.


But still, something in my funny story for the completeness of the fun was missing. Comic, to be honest, was running out. I realized it was due to the lack of life optimistic large-scale material. Then brought in opus padding:

“I live on a cozy street. That is, before she was comfortable. Here everything was thought over, carefully, neatly. Downspouts and drainage grates are not clogged and work properly. And here undertook to repair the house and change the asphalt. And changed it to criminal persistence as much as five times, if not ten. And after the repair, the water from the roof was pouring past the pipes, and drainage grates warped, on the pavement and sidewalks are constantly puddles. In addition, the elevators in the renovated buildings began to jam, they began to terminate…”

But this topic, because of its nesmehotvortsu, I decided not to develop.

Along surfaced: when in March the snow began to fall and covered the pavement, sidewalks and lawns, not a single janitor was not to find, people walked knee-deep in white fluffy feather. And when the snow melted, I brought the abyss of trucks and bulldozers. They are terribly purred and raked not understand that in a large pile. Worked all night and didn’t let anybody sleep.

“We had the street pretty shops, they closed down and opened a supermarket, where products are dumped a heap, rotting away and sold at exorbitant prices. Who benefits drive people in the network community? Who needs to crush the competition? I do not know who owns these networks?”

I later crossed out the final line, because I felt again it’s not the same. Not funny.

“On my street there is a hospital, a day later I went. Near her was a stall, where patients are convenient to buy juice, kefir, iced buns and other small things. The kiosk was demolished. Hobble to the nearest store patients far and hard.

Why nobody thinks about the consequences of what he was doing?”

The story was sad. I decided to suspend working on it.

In the evening

No lotions hilarious story can not take place. I considered it necessary to introduce into the work a curious fact: in France, if frost or hail beat of a bed of salad, the authorities, so that ordinary consumers do not suffer due to shortage of your favorite product, lower the price of the scarce salad, paying extra to farmers financial difference than to support the society of mind. The nerves of the citizens and the budget of each family concerned government agencies. They understand to change daily eating habits is stressful. Not only for spoiled foodies, but for everyone. You can not break the usual course of things!

This Glaucus I ended with a question: “Why are we in hard times population rates, on the contrary, excite and to shift the financial burdens onto the shoulders of citizens? Why in the subsistence of the French, and the list of commodities includes the services of a hairdresser and beautician, the basket of the British provides for the purchase of tickets to the theater and football? Can we not necessarily get a haircut?”

And then I remembered: ragged old woman in the queue to the doctor in the clinic grumbled: “Robbed the people”.


The essay finally came to a halt. The sequel suffers. Yes, and sad to think about the continuation. Optimism I have in fact seen around and what was going to joke — markedly diminished.

Putting the letters are dotted with leaves, I went out into the yard. Wanted some fresh air. But the air was not fresh. Janitors spilled de-icing granules, although the winter is long over. People (in uniform landscapers) sawed the trees, though poplar and maple trees did not look like dried dead wood. Cut down on the twigs was green hatched leaves. Hung soothing posters: “Instead of felled will be planted the other trees.”

I asked the question: who is the initiator of this improvement? And felt that the novel flows smoothly into reality. In an indignant pamphlet. The product clearly did not meet the set before him the cheerful task.

Near the excavators were still demolished pavilions. This process has been much delayed. The new building, there was a time I was annoyed because it appeared in place of lawns and gardens. Then I got used. Now prettier, trade stalls were destroyed. The gaping hole of the former foundations were all patched up with asphalt. I thought, if we started mutoten, then returned to the trees. Used would be those who are going to plant instead of cut and which will wither soaked in de-icing substance of the soil.

The rain poured down. On the pavement was driving the car, enveloping pedestrians with dirty spray. The thoughts flowed: “We are far from French courtesy. And English refinement”. The price of Chinese salad in a network market rolls over. At home, I sat down again at his Desk. To advance the work of art needed a new insight. I pulled a clean sheet of paper and scribbled: “TV”…


“I have worked television. As part of the program, which is quite suited me.

And in an instant, without my consent and without warning, channels changed the place of registration and location were relocated to other buttons, and some were replaced by advertising-trading non-stop broadcasts. What I now do not try a screen to sell, to sell, to impose, through teleaction and dimensionless breeches, and diamonds (cheap), and fur, and grinders… And if I don’t want to buy? If you want to watch movies, to absorb the news about improving life, watching political talk shows? Why without my knowledge and without asking me, to impose the fact that somebody is beneficial to sell and market?”


It was necessary to complete my fun escapade. I turned for help to a friend official. Usually the officials can answer any question, but my friend on my message offended:

— If our work is not enough, we and major repairs to houses, pimped, too, will not do! And heat at home will not. What to drown them if they schelyasty and emergency? If our work is not enough, we at the international level will stop to do business! Still money in the budget left to cut, except for trees, nothing, and for nothing to stick immoral. Let you capture a neighboring state, and you’ll go into slavery. Perhaps even sexual. And under the yoke of the conquerors do not sing.


Indeed, soon the whole huge bureaucracy ceased to work.

I started calling offended friend and his colleagues. I shouted into the phone:

— You don’t understand! I didn’t want to falsely discredit and undo your accomplishments and efforts. I just wanted to write a fun story. And that you explained the logic. Has she or not? Why not, before you do anything, a little thought? Why not make it a rule to decide what is needed in the first place, and why do not need? Do in fact say the budget hole. Then why bury food in the ground? Why to rivet the Elevator break? Why push in jelly and bread palm oil? It is akin to the wheat and cottage cheese? What a nice change to questionable?

My appeal there was no answer.

But it turned out amazing: life is not stopped, not stalled, not died. Moreover — began gradually to straighten up and sparkle. Unnecessary no one did and no it did not impose. Even through the trade channels. And for those who did the right thing, no one interfered. Stopped, for example, buhtet about import substitution — because stolen millions of rubles allocated for this event, though did not get to the farmers, but people are allowed to work and sell their products. You can imagine — they were allowed to sell their products and anything with them is not taken, extorted, not closed markets, demolished the stalls! Small businesses ceased to torment financial audits. And fire raids. The price of lettuce went down.

The country took a deep breath and changed for the better. And when we had conquered a neighboring state, and health services improved. Old ladies and old men without waiting began to get on reception to doctors.

So the fun ended my fun stories.

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